April Update

Blah.

Not only have I not LOST anything...I'VE GAINED!!! *sobs*

I honestly do not know what is going on with my body right now. I've basically been starving myself, been on my feet for 3  hours every day doing manual labor and I gained 3lbs. How is this even possible?

I guess I need to go get some blood work done and see if my thyroid meds aren't working. I know if I complain to my doctor all he's going to do is shake is head and recommend a healthier diet and regular exercise. Because I haven't already tried that. D'oh!

I did do some research on hypothyroidism (internet research, if that counts) and weightloss and most of the articles I read reinforced my suspicions that even while thyroid levels are good with medication, the medication itself can bring your metabolism down to a screeching halt. Wonderful, right? As though I didn't already have the metabolism of a slug.

Sad fact is, I've become so defeated by this phase of my body that I finally gave in and bought larger clothes. I told myself I wouldn't. I'd struggle by with the ever tightening clothes I already had because I was going to lose some weight come hell or high water.

Well, I drowned in a feiry lake then bought some larger pants. Which sounds a lot like I went to hell. Which, come to think of it...

Stress and depression doesn't help. Stress at work that won't let me sleep. Depression that zaps my energy. I'd talk to my doctor about it but he'd probably just say it's because I'm fat. Every health concern I've ever had has had the diagnosis of "You're fat. Lose weight and you'll feel better." Not even joking.

I realize obesity can cause a multitude of health problems but what about treating my problems instead of fat shaming me?

Seriously, I probably need to got to an orthopedist to have my left knee/leg looked at. Something is seriously wrong with it. Possibly a torn ACL. But I'm afraid to go to the doctor because I know he's just going to say it's because I'm fat. "Take the weight off of it and it'll heal." But I've been fat my whole life and I've never struggled so hard to walk without pain. And I can tell that something just isn't right.

I still stay active, though. My current work project has me walking, bending/stooping, pushing heavy book trucks, pulling heavy books off of shelves, etc. The only thing I'm not doing is standing on my  head. But I can see that one coming at me soon.

I do realize that I probably have been eating more than my fair share of fast food/restaurant food. Which doesn't help. Last Friday alone I ate out for two meals. I've eaten out once this week. I did resist the Sonic temptation last night and suffered all the way home because I could smell the greasy cheesy goodness wafting from the bag my mom was taking home with her. I went home and ate a grilled cheese on rye, though. Oh, but I did get a Venti latte from Starbucks yesterday. *facepalm*

So I do realize that I'm not choosing as wisely as I should all the time. But even so, It's not that different from how I was eating two years ago and I was able to maintain a 30lb weightloss. But like some dark magic trick the weight started to creep up, my body started to betray me and now here I am in a misery of weight gain and frustration.