Feeling Like a Fraud

There are still people complimenting me on my "amazing" weight loss. Six months after I stopped 15-20 pounds short of my goal of being below 200lbs, people are still impressed. Just this morning I had a co-worker tell me I was an inspiration. I don't feel like an inspiration. I feel like a fraud and a failure.

Yes, I realize I lost a significant amount of weight last year. I can see that in the size of my clothes and the numbers on the scale. But this seven month plateau is really messing with my head. After all that time of seeing a steady decline on the scale, consistently having to reduce my pants size, to now have been stuck at the same weight for so long...I don't feel like an inspiration at all. Every time someone says, "you just keep getting skinnier and skinnier," I want to scream because I know it's not true. My body has betrayed me, I've betrayed my body. I'm stuck and feeling like I'll never get to that magical number I've been working and praying so hard for so long. That same hopeless feeling I had when I weighed 280lbs.

I'm just at a loss. One dietician says, "Don't drop your calories too low or you'll shut your metabolism down to starvation mode and it'll hang onto fat like a fat kid holds on to a donut." Another dietician says, "you hafta keep reducing your calories or your body will adjust to the calories  you're at and you won't continue losing." Then there's the "Intermittent fasting boosts your metabolism" verses "Intermittent fasting is fake science."

What's the real deal here? Or is everyone just guessing? Cause to be honest, I don't even know why what I did last year even worked to help me lose weight to start with. I know I cut out a lot of unhealthy liquid sugar but I don't remember what I was eating before that would have chubbed me up so fat as opposed to what I eat now or ate last year when I started losing weight. I just can't seem to find that magic again and it's so damned frustrating.

Cut out eating out. Ok. That's fine but does eating out three times a week really add that many calories to my weekly count? Or is the dietician who recommends counting weekly calories instead of daily calories wrong?

I need to walk more. True, but is it worth it if the walking gives me heat stroke? There's only so much walking inside the building that I can do before people start complaining.

Increase your weight training. Yes. I need to do this. No excuses.

Then there's my shitty knees that get painfully stove up if I try to do squats or leg lifts or anything that involves standing too long. Do I just work out through the pain and pray I don't end up needing knee replacement surgery? How far should I push my body?

And also, there's jealousy raging inside me. Another friend of mine who started her weight loss journey in January has lost a significance amount of weight going Keto and is now doing kick boxing and joined a gym. She's older than I am and she can do all those physically challenging things so am I just making excuses for myself that I just need to get over? And is Keto as evil as the articles I've read? I mean, she seems to be winning and I haven't heard her complain at all about it being difficult to go keto. Is that something I should try even though I've up until now been staunchly against anything that sounds like a  "fad diet".

Was the nearly 50lbs I lost a fluke?

I wish I knew. I'm so discouraged and I know I've been whining on here for a while but I just...I just feel hopeless. Couldn't the plateau have waiting until I got below 200lbs at least? And when will people stop being impressed by the loss? As much as their mentioning it makes me feel like crap, when they STOP mentioning it, will that make me feel worse?

Ugh.

I just wish I could find some peace with where I'm at. Maybe if I let myself feel good about how far I've come and just be thankful that I beat pre-diabetes my body will decide to move on down to an even healthier weight. Maybe I'm stressing too much. I've lost all that hope and happiness and determination. I need to find that again.

But that feels as hopeless as me losing any more weight.