I have felt a little out of control with my eating lately. I "treat" myself more than I had been and a lot of it feels really mindless. Like the carton of chocolate covered marshmallow eggs I consumed without even really noticing I was eating them. The sleeve of peeps I inhaled on a random morning while cooking breakfast. The fact that I even had that stuff in my house should have been a red flag that I am losing my grip. I don't/didn't buy that kind of junk anymore. But there it was. In my house and then in my belly. I haven't started my bi-weekly latte habit or my daily Coke habit, yet, but I've been hearing them whisper to me. I imagine it's a milder version of what a sober alcoholic must feel when they start think one little drink couldn't hurt. It'll just take the edge off. Right? No. WRONG.
I'd also stopped walking/tracking steps. I even quit taking the long way around to and from the restroom! I don't consistently use my dumbbells anymore. For the most part, I've just about given up physical activity.
I do NOT want to ever go back to 260 or 270 and especially I don't want to go back to 285!
I contribute this mindless eating/treating myself to the fact that I haven't really lost any real weight since just after Christmas. I mean, the scale has dipped to 213 once or twice but for the most part it has consistently stayed in the 215-217 range with no loss. And I know I'm not supposed to care what the scale says and I've even tried just not weighing for a weeks at a time but it just so damn frustrating! And of course I let it get in my head and mess me up. I wouldn't be me if I hadn't let it get to me.
Instead of just letting myself go, though, I've got a list of things to do to try to reign myself back in.
1.) Up my prayer game. I have been drifting a bit lately on the prayer front which usually indicates a mild depression coming on. I tend to eat a lot when stressed/depressed.
2.) Get active! Make myself take those extra steps to the restroom at work. If a friend suggests a "quick loop" outside, go! Do some bicep curls while watching TV. Just do something!
3.) Let go of the scale for a month. Just let it go. Return my focus to the reason I started this journey to begin with...my health. The scale rabbit hole is going to be my undoing if I don't give it up, at least for a while.
4.) Try something new. I know where I've been and where I came from. Maybe it's time to shake myself loose and try something new. I've done some research on intermittent fasting that sounds promising. Not so much for weight loss, though there are people who say it's great for weight loss. The research I've read suggests that it's a great tool for resetting your brain in regards to food. And I'm not talking anything crazy here. I'm not going to pick a day of the week to not eat. I'm just going to set myself some time limits on when and how often I eat. So today I'm trying a 17 hour fast. I didn't eat after 7pm last night and won't eat again until noon when I eat lunch. I kinda cheated with a spoonful of sugar and some cream in my coffee at 9am but, you know, whatever. So far I feel okay. There was about a fifteen minute period around 8:30am that I felt really hungry and thought about saying "screw it" and go find something to eat. But I pushed past that, drank my coffee at 9am and am hanging in there. It's 10:30 am as I type this and I'm starting to feel some hunger pangs again but I'm just going to go drink some water and get busy working on my current long term project. As one of my favorite weight loss podcasters says, nobody ever died from skipping a single meal. I'll survive until lunch.
Anyway, that's where I'm at right now. My headspace is all wacked out and I'm hungry but I'll live to fight another day. Say a prayer for me!
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