One thing I'm doing this time that I feel is different from every other time I've ever tried to "lose weight" is that I'm researching and seeking knowledge. Not to say that I've never done casual research on this diet or that diet but this time I'm seeking full knowledge on a lifestyle overhaul. The internet is a wealth of information, to be sure. To the point where it can be overwhelming. And yes, I fully realize that not everything on the internet can be trusted. That's why I'm particular about what sites I listen to and look for good common sense.
I'm currently following a fitness trainer on Instagram at the recommendation of one of the bloggers I follow who has had serious success with counting carbs, losing weight, and toning her body. I've already learned that the reason squats have always been so painful to me isn't just because I'm out of shape and have two bad knees...No, I've been doing it wrong! Instead of pushing up from the arches of your feet, you're supposed to push out from the outer part of your feet with your knees angled outward instead of straight. I tried it today, based on the illustrations and instructions and wonder of wonders, less knee and foot pain. Now I just need to remind myself to do a few sets a day and work my way up to several sets a day. (Need to trim and tone this big ol' booty!)
While I'm not quite ready to add a whole lotta cardio exercise to my daily routine (knees still give me trouble and my left foot is giving me fits with plantar fasciitis pain) I think maybe it's time to give strength training a go. And that's where educating myself will come in even handier.
I'm also considering making an appointment with a dietician to get tips on a truly healthy diet (not diet in the sense of "dieting", btw) and learn some things I probably don't know. Sure, I've got the little booklet of carb counting that my mom received when she was first diagnosed with diabetes but that's been nearly 16 years ago. Who knows what all new information may be out there?
Another thing that the fitness trainer really nailed home is that there is not straight path to reclaiming your health. He reinforced what I've been trying to remind myself of over the past couple of months...celebrate the victories and move past the failures. Instead, use the failures as a learning experience that is necessary to propel you forward. He even went on to say that you are going to suck at this in the beginning but to just keep moving forward, learning as you go.
I tried so hard to be perfect in that first month or so. And of course I failed. I've failed many times over the past couple of months. But I am learning with each failure. And with each failure I'm becoming more and more determined to not let diabetes win. I CAN and I WILL take control of my health, learn how to say no to temptation, and fully grasp the concept of eating to live, not living to eat.
The Instagram I've been talking about is @knowgains, if you do Instagram and are interested in seeing what other wisdom they offer.
In other news, I have been struggling some with body change discouragement. While I am almost 10lbs down (1 pound to go!) I haven't seen that much change in how my body looks. I know, of course, that when you have as much weight to lose as I do, 10lbs isn't a lot, visually. I just have to keep reminding myself to pay attention to the way my clothes fit instead. Don't get overly concerned with the scale and don't get discouraged by appearance. The scale can lie and the mirror can distort. But pants? Pants never lie. And right now my pants are all getting seriously baggy. I'm still not in the cute skirts I wore back in 2012 but I'm getting close. I tried on a pair of shorts I hadn't been able to fasten for a long time and they fastened and were comfortable. And a pair of pants I bought just before my weight ballooned out of control fit, too. I never even got to wear them before. By the time I got them in the mail, I couldn't fit them anymore. But now they fit! So there is hope and encouragement to be had from that. Remember, kids...clothes don't lie. Not usually anyway.
I have been looking at old photos from around the time I was at my "lowest weight" which wasn't all that low, really. In my mind, though, I remember looking a lot thinner. But the photos don't look as "thin" as I remember thinking I was. I felt amazing back then. Felt almost skinny! Which just goes to show how much our heads and emotions play into all of this.
I've been thinking all this time "If I could just get back to my previous 'lowest weight' I'd feel so much happier." And maybe I will, but I'm no longer content to settle for that. Yes, I want to get back into the cute skirts I wore back then but I'm not going to be satisfied staying there. I want to have to buy NEW and SMALLER skirts. And smaller pants. I know I'll never be actually thin...it's not my body type or in my genetics. But I want to get to a place in my life where my health is on par with the way I feel about my body and I just don't think my previous "lowest weight" is gonna cut it this time.
Aaaaaaand I hafta keep reminding myself that this journey isn't about weight loss. It's about reclaiming my health, lest I (or you!) forget. ;-)
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