Don't Pants Me!

I don't want to brag, but I can take my pants off now without unfastening them. And they're not even elastic waist! LOL

Scale this morning said I'm down another pound for a total of 10lbs.

Now, I'm experienced enough with this whole "weight game" to know that a lot of that could be water fluctuations. Just like when I "gained" three pounds last week, it wasn't weight, it was water weight.

But, regardless of what I know, that number--250--is one I haven't seen in around 5 years or so. And I know it's still a hefty number and I've got a LOOOOONG way to go, it was still thrilling. Thrilling to know that just a few small changes have made a difference. Even with all the hiccups and mess-ups and failures...it's a sign that I'm at least headed toward the right track.

And in other victory news...I got seriously pissed off during a meeting this morning. Normally when I get pissed off, upset, or otherwise emotional, I run to food for comfort--either a candy bar and a coke or a sugary latte and a biscuit or something else equally carb-y and calorific. While I did still turn to some angry eating food therapy, my therapist of choice was a half a bag of vending machine peanuts and a glass of water. And to be honest, the crunch of those peanuts was far more satisfying emotionally than a candy bar has ever been. Weird what you learn when you're trying to change your life! haha

That's not to say that my mind didn't go straight to a candy bar and Coke. I had the $1.50 in my pocket for a Coke. And then I remembered that number on my scale and recalled that my pants are actually baggy enough to pull down without unfastening. I bypassed the Coke machine--a little smugly, to be honest--put in a buck and a quarter into the snack machine and punched the number for the peanuts instead. And then when I felt the worst of my anger and frustration from the morning's meeting start to dissipate, I rolled up the empty top half of that little bag of peanuts, chugged the rest of my water, and saved the rest of the peanuts for later.

In other news, WBF went jeans shopping yesterday and had her wake-up call. Sooooo, she's fully on board the "bandwagon" now and I promised her we would support each other. We've always been so co-dependent on each other with our food vices (we're both food addicts) which I'm guessing is why she was so hard on me these past couple of months and so unsupportive. Perhaps she felt threatened that we wouldn't have this addiction to bond us. And maybe when she realized she wasn't going to dissuade me this time, she found her own eye-opening moment and realized that we can bond over healthy eating. Or maybe she just hated her new jeans size and I'm overthinking it.

My only real fear in any of this is that I'll feel the need to hold her hand so much that I'll become preachy and know-it-all and that's something I don't want to do. I told her I would support her but that I wouldn't police her. I don't want to BE the food police anymore than I want to be policed! But she isn't into research and the only way she really knows how to lose weight is to go overboard, all in, all at once. She starves herself. Pushes herself too hard in exercise. Instead of taking it one baby step at a time and learning a new lifestyle, she makes herself miserable and then falls hard off the wagon. And then it's game over  until the next time she wants to lose weight. Which I understand because I was the same way. Have BEEN the same way most of my life. This is the first time I've ever given myself any real grace and worked smart at it instead of killing myself. I don't want to give up this time. I CAN'T give up this time. There's no falling off any wagons because I'm taking this journey on foot. One step at a time. I'll crawl if I have to. But it's happening.

My hope is that she can/will learn by my example. If she can ever stop thinking about food as being good or bad...as my making smart choices as me "being good"...she would do us both a huge favor. There is no such thing as good or bad in food. There is healthy daily eating habits and there are treats. Treats shouldn't be an every day thing or even an every week thing but on their own they aren't "bad". Once you label something as BAD or entirely off limits, you're designing your own downfall. That's why Cokes aren't "off limits" but there need to be limits for me for right now with the hope that someday I won't even want them anymore.

As much as I would LOVE to have a quick fix, drop 100lbs and reverse the diabetes overnight, I know that's not how this is going to work. This is my life, now. I just need to figure out a way to express that to WBF without sounding like a douche.