Right Now

So I've kinda been on a bender for the past couple if weeks. It started out innocently enough with me stopping to get my folks supper a couple of nights after my mom had a minor surgery. But then it became an every night just for me secret shame thing. Then it was lying to my friends and sneaking away at lunch. 

Sounds like I'm a druggie, right? Ugh. Well, food is my drug. And the sadder part--besides me killing myself--is that it hasn't even given me a high. It's just been inhaling things I normally deny myself and then feeling like complete crap after. 

I need to stop. And onceu mom gets back to work and we carpool together again, I'm sure I will. It's impossible to hide things when I'm constantly with other people and there is no easy access. But I need to figure out what's up with me to send me into this tailspin. I'm not as depressed as I have been lately. Work's going okay. Friendships are okay. Family is okay. I just don't know. And I wish I did so I could fix it. 

*sigh*