I was going to say I did pretty well last night. I ate the leftover coconut shrimp with the two leftover pepper poppers. But then I remember that I ate the last two cookies AND a fun sized Reese's cup. Oops!
Oh. And the eight whole wheat crackers I dipped in sour cream with chives. A potato chip substitute that wouldn't have been all that notable except the sour cream wasn't light or fat free. Double oops!
All in all though? Yesterday was not bad.
This morning started out with my cheerios but for some reason, around 10am I was STARVING. I mean, I'm always a little hungry by 10am but today I was almost miserable with hunger. So. What did I do? I went and got a whole wheat bagel with reduced fat cream cheese from the bagel shop. And I got a Coke. Not sure what my justification is for the Coke. Except that I really really wanted it and it has less fat than a coffee with all that half and half. *shrugs*
I had the last leftover twice baked potato for lunch with the rest of the Coke (see? I made it last! haha) and a fun sized Baby Ruth that my mother brought me.
As much as I go on and on about eating out being my biggest problem, I'm coming to realize that it's all these little indulgences...fun sized candy bars and random Cokes...that are going to be my undoing. They are such tiny little things that it's easy to forget how quickly they add up. A Coke here, a cookie there. A fun sized candy bar (or two!) a little later. And before you know it, you're a couple hundred calories over the limit! Because I gotta tell ya, the 150 calories of Cheerios and the 300 calories of baked potatoes, 350 calories of salad--they are all good and well. Bring me in well under my allotment. And so that's where the little things come in. 200 calories of Coke. 80 calories per fun sized candy bar. Probably a couple hundred calories of cookies. Not to mention the the 65 calories of sugar and half and half in my evening coffee. :-/
Not sure how much my afternoon walks are doing toward thwarting those calories, either.
But on the flip side, it's those little things that give me the confidence I need to kick the bigger things. Like bags of potato chips. Butter drenched sauteed mushrooms. Omelette's (or anything, really) dripping with cheese. All those foods that are littered with saturated fat and cholesterol.
Part of my problem, I realize, is all mental. I crave the Coke because I know I need to avoid all that sugar. I eat the extra fun sized candy bar because it's there and it's small so why not? The crackers with sour cream were a product of boredom and the justification that I hadn't eaten much at supper.
I just hate the thought of saying no to it all all the time. I know if I do that, I'm sunk. I'll break down and EAT ALL THE THINGS!! So is it better to indulge in a few little things every day and perhaps sabotage yourself a little? Or to cut out all the little indulgences and eventually sabotage yourself a lot? A question for the ages, I think.
The main thing is, though, to stay focused and aware of what I'm doing. Stay on track with walking. Watching fat and cholesterol. Focus on stabilizing the bigger things I need to control (eating out so often!!) and praying that eventually, that stabilization will trickle down in to those smaller indulgences.
As for the eating out thing, a big portion of that is completely me and my craving for it. But it's also a little bit of peer pressure, as I've mentioned before. My friends--one in particular--loves to eat out and hates to bring her lunch. She has two children to get up and read for school each day so it's really a convenience thing. Except she hates to go eat out alone. And so she asks me or other friends to go with her. The first couple of weeks after I got that high cholesterol news from the doctor, she was really supportive and we didn't eat out at all. She didn't even ask.
But then after that, the "need" to go out began presenting itself again and ended up with me eating out with her twice last week. It's as though she thinks that my need to eat healthy is a temporary fad I'm going through. Of course it was different when it was HER fighting high cholesterol a couple of years ago. She buckled down then and lost 15 pounds. She gave up trips to the food court and elsewhere for a long time. But then as soon as her cholesterol came down she was back to her old ways. So I guess it's only natural that she assume mine is a temporary state. And it doesn't help that she hears me talking about eating at Wendy's on Saturday. So when she asked me yesterday to go eat BK, I know she thought that it wasn't a big thing.
But I knew it was. I knew I had to say no or I'd never get back on track. And I desperately need to get back on track. So when I told her I had to pass this time, I gently reminded her, "This cholesterol isn't going to lower itself."
We'll see how long that lasts for both of us!
Updated at 3.24pm: Just logged 1.10 miles in 22 minutes. The walk today was much easier, no muscle pain. Our pace was nice and steady, tho. No rushing right out the door. Just nice and steady and smooth. Not sure if it was that or something else that made the walk easier on my calf muscle. *shrug*
Updated Wednesday morning 9:53am: I ate a bowl of chili with sour cream and crackers for supper last night. Ate one Kit-Kat and had a bowl of fat free frozen yogurt. I will not feel about the fro-yo because that flavor is going out and likely won't come back for several weeks.
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