Pics and thoughts

Feb. 2-19

May 2019

May 2019

So, yeah. I haven't gained any but I haven't lost any, either. Both frustrating and happy at the same time.  I mean, I'm glad I haven't gained any weight but I'm frustrated that I haven't lost any, either.

I told myself earlier this week that I need to go off sugar entirely for a little while. Have I? No. And I knew when I said it that it wouldn't happen. Telling myself no completely is the fastest way to failure. I could/will cut further back on it, though. I never did back off any further on the amount of sugar in my coffee. I cut out one teaspoon last year and that's where I stopped. It's time to cut out another teaspoon. I know I can adjust my pallet to liking it, I've just got to make myself try. I think I just lost so much weight so quickly that I convinced myself that I didn't need to. But, now that the weight has stalled, it's time. I've just got to suck it up and DO IT.

Also, I know I need to cut back/out the half and half and a lot of the dairy in my diet. I've read that it can cause bloat and, you know, it's full of fat and sugar. *sigh* I'm committed to trying almond creamer in my coffee and maybe some almond yogurt for my  chia seed pudding.

As far as intermittent fasting, on mornings I wake up starving I eat a couple of spoonfuls of chia seed pudding. On days I don't wake up starving? I don't eat. I'm just trying to listen to my body. Eat when I'm hungry. Stop eating when I'm full.

Walking outside is out of the question for the foreseeable future. It's too dang hot out. I'm committed to getting as much activity INSIDE as I can but I'm just going to do the best I can safely do. My bum knee has been puffy and sending sharp pains off and on for a couple of weeks now, so I don't want to push too hard and injure it.

Ugh, it sounds like I'm making excuses again. Maybe I am. I've been spending a lot of time in my head lately, though, trying to suss out what I can do to actually, fully, 100% completely break out of this plateau. I'm missing something.

I know I've skidded back into a few old habits. Bagels a couple of times a week last week. Dessert after supper sometimes. Potatoes. Nibbling/snacking while I cook. Eating out more than I had been. I think I mentioned in a previous post that I haven't slipped back into the twice weekly latte or the almost daily Coke and that's still true. Every now and then I still crave a Coke in the afternoon but so far I've been able to resist the urge. I'm not even really tempted by the sugary lattes anymore. Honestly, the sporadic handful I've had over the past 6 months haven't been as good as I remembered them being so I don't really even think about them anymore.

It's probably all those little things combined over time that have kept me stagnant. Just like making small changes at the beginning jumpstarted the loss, small regressions have halted the loss.

At the heart of it, I know the regressions have several causes:

1) My emotions have been all over the place. Not necessarily depression, but just a sort of restlessness that has kept me on edge. I can't seem to get a handle on it so I've been filling that void with "treats." Essentially, eating my emotions, albeit on a much smaller scale than I used to. So, you know, there's that. haha

2) I got comfortable. I relaxed too much. I stupidly let everyone calling me "skinny" go to my head a bit and I got lazy. I stopped paying as close attention to what I was eating.

3) I let my frustration further aggravate the problem and gave up a little bit. I quit trying as hard. I started resenting all the things I can't or shouldn't eat.

4) I think my friends noticed the weakness and have encouraged it. When I was 100% on my game and focused on what I was doing, they backed off on eating out, or going for treats. Almost as soon as I started to weaken, it got back to eating out twice, then three times a week. Not every week, but it's heading that way. I've got to start saying no again.


When I say it's a lifestyle change, I'm not joking or just mimicking popular culture. It is 100% correct. And it. is. hard.

 I was delusional when I said I wasn't on a wagon because I am. And the ride is a lot rockier than I thought it was and while I've hit the ground a couple of times I've been able to bounce. Right now I need to tighten my grip and hang on for dear life. Because it IS my life at stake right now. I'm one treat away from stumbling back up to 285.

I feel like I should apologize for dragging you on this roller coaster with me.