Body Image

I know in my head that I've lost nearly 45lbs. I see the numbers on the scale. I see the smaller sizes of my clothes. I hear the awe in people's voices who haven't seen me in a while. I know it's really real. But...

Y'all, I still can't SEE it for myself. I mean, every now and then I'll wear something that "tricks my eye" in to seeing some body changes but I still struggle with seeing the changes in myself. Every so often I'll catch a glimpse of my reflection in a window or something and all I see is the tummy that still protrudes. When I sit, my belly still  makes a shelf. I stare at my naked body in the mirror before or after my shower and all the same rolls that were there before are still there. And my eye can't really tell that they're smaller or less full. It all just still looks the same to me. I guess I just thought a 45ish pound weight loss would make me look completely different, but it didn't.

I try not to focus on what my body looks like to me. If I stare too hard, I just get discouraged. Instead I try to focus on the things that HAVE changed. Like, I can cross my legs comfortably now. In fact, sitting with crossed legs is actually more comfortable to me than sitting with my knees together. I can wear a regular bra instead of having to wear a sports bra. I can walk a mile without feeling like I'm about to pass out or fall out. I don't stay hungry all the time but I don't have to eat a lot to get full.

However, I do wonder if there will ever be a time in this process when I do see the changes with my eyeballs in a way I can't dismiss. And I worry that I care too much about such a vanity. I don't want to be vain but truthfully, it's hard not to get a little obsessed with body image/changes. I keep reminding myself why I'm working so hard. Why it's so important. MY HEALTH. But I know you know, if you've been following me in this process, I keep forgetting. I keep losing sight of my primary goal of reversing the pre-diabetes and developing healthier long term eating habits.